FXB: The 10 week class

Last week Katy and I finished up our ten week class. While we would like to continue on with the exercise, time and money might get in our way. I'll let you know.
Here is how I did in upping my poor physical fitness. Keep in mind I missed at least 2/5th of the class. And was in ridiculous shape to begin with. Week 1 results in parenthesis.
Run: 8:41 (11:31)
Pushups in a min: 31 (15)
Sit ups in a minute: 34 (24)
Sit and Reach: 181/2 inches (1 inch longer)
Weight: 194 lbs (lost 41/4 lbs)
Measurements: Overall I lost 6 inches on my body measurements.

The sit ups I am okay with, but feel like I should have done more.
The pushups I am happy with considering how long my arms are and from what a lowly point I started from. But still, I was unable to do pushups quickly for the entire 60secs, crapping out with about 10 seconds left.
Sit and Reach I am disappointed in, and is kinda a result of my bigger belly which gets in the way when I bend forwards. Still, I worked hard on my flexibility and I thought 10 weeks of stretching would have yielded greater results.
Weight I am fine with. My diet was ruined by week 3 or 4 and the last 3 weeks I started to drink beer again, so although I think I could have lost 10-15 pounds just by sticking with the diet, I am fitter and leaner and feel much better.
The run I am most happy with. I hate running, and when I am doing it all I think about is how much I hate it. But to shave 3 min off, (even if I didn't try all that hard the first time) is nice. I ran the whole time and I thought perhaps I'd come in somewhere in the upper 9's, lower 10's. So 8:41 seems like an achievement to me.

-G

Weekly Compass 3.28-4.3.010

I explained the Weekly Compass and very much else here.
Role: Sharpen the Saw
Physical: Tucson, AZ
Social/Emotional: Vacation, family
Mental: Recharge, stay focused
Spiritual: Settle the turmoil, I can

Role: Father
Big Rocks: Arrive safe. stay engaged, patience, vision

Role: Baseball
Big Rocks: Suntan, cash, beer, 7th inning stretch*

Role: Husband
Big Rocks: Give Katy a break (see below for how I struggle with this)

Role: Son-In-Law
Big Rocks: Be thankful, be giving, be positive

Role: Job hunt: I can
Big Rocks: Finish CV, finish resume, cover letters, statement of teaching philosophy

Role: Cover letters
Big Rocks: Do magic, not show magic; form allows for creation and clarity

Role: Statement of teaching philosophy
Big Rocks: specific detail leads to insight (not vice-versa)

*We took Nyssa to a spring training game, Dodgers at Rockies, she didn't last very long. It was hot, she is a little under the weather, and apparently there was, "Too much pitching and swinging." I had fun and uncle Jim had fun, but I am not sure Katy (to whom it fell to feed and potty, how she spent the majority of her time, which meant climbing and un-climbing lots of stairs on a 95 degree day.) thought it was great.

** If you've read above you know I am on vacation with my family in Tucson, visiting my mother and brother-in-law, and his daughter, his girlfriend and her daughter.  I really like sitting in his house under his american bodega, and watching the girls--mine and his--run around.  The girls run and play together so well, my brother-in law's daughter takes great care of mine, she is patient with Nyssa and she is an easy caretaker of Leila.  While Nyssa and the girlfriends daughter who are getting closer in age this time are playing really well, not totally sharing but running and talking and pretending.  AND Leila is a champ, waddling after the 3 older girls with good humor and serious determination.  It is so much fun to watch and I am having a remarkable trip. Although not getting a ton of job searching done. Oh Well.

***I have, and I soon did, get an email account for you to send your questions to, i.offered.u.asked@gmail.com. This wasn't the email I wanted, I just wanted ioffered, but apparently that has already been taken. By me, probably, so I couldn't get it again.  The flood of silence has been deafening, but if you don't send me questions I will make up my own.

The end of an email I wrote

My friend, the really great writer Kim Rodgers, read through yesterdays post to catch my stupid mistakes, and for some reason that made me glum. It was nothing she did (or didn't) do, it was something about the task I set myself and the way I feel about some of my writing. I am still learning, I guess, is what I am saying.  But so below is the end of the email as it pertains to this blog:

One thing I didn't say yesterday and maybe what I was trying to get at was that with my dads death and my firing I feel like the world has opened up to reveal unlimited impossibilities. And I am not sure how to proceed.
I am a sloppy perfectionist, an insecure egotist*, a sincere joker.  A logical disconnection.
Talk to you soon. (I love to talk about myself, but I am much more comfortable trying to help someone else.)

And that is when I had my next great idea!  I can not become a counselor. (Right or wrong) I would argue to heavily with the basic assumptions of human behavior that psychology is based on, I like to much to find the fallacy in generalist arguments--and even the possibility of fallacy will do.

My idea is that I will become, in part, an advice columnist. I know they are a dime a dozen, but what isn't? Here are the qualities I possess to recommend me for the post:
1) The title of my blog: I Offered, You Didn't Ask. I do not listen to Dr. Laura or her ilk very often, but when I have I noticed that a caller, (writer) presents one question, but Dr. Phil or his ilk, answers a very different question. So in that sense Dr. Ruth and her ilk are offering without being asked.

2) back in January, when I was still employed and still had a father, my friend Katie Gos. aprapo of nothing wrote this on my face book wall:

I've never told you this before, but I want you to know now that I live my life based on the advice I've received from you over the years. Thanks.

And Katie is a really sweet and really introspective and astute person. I am saying this not because of what she said, but because she knew I was full of bullshit when she first met me as a freshman in college, wasn't afraid to tell me so, AND yet I was able to wear her down. 

3) I am 37, and have thought long and hard about myself (arrogance) and how I fit into the world (insecurity). And I have the laundry list of traits, habits and hang-ups to prove it.

3b) I have put in great time and effort to identify, quantify, and adjust my own personal person.

4) I am a writer. So I have empathy. And I can draw logical connections between seemingly disparate things--This is where insight comes from.

5) What do I got to lose.

I have to go to FXB, so i will let this idea brewviate for a little while and then give you more details in my next post ("you?"--pretend you have an audience and you do!)

*egotist is not the correct word, but it is close. I am selfish, I do think largely about myself. But I also love other people and get joy from listening to and helping them. Arrogant is a more correct self-assessment (arogantist would be the word, if it was one) I think I right most of the time--especially about my insecurities.

Logical Disconnections: Weekly Compass

Being recently unemployed and having recently lost my father [Here is a question: In my last post I wrote, "If you want to see his obit click here." And just now I wrote, "having recently lost my father"... I don't mean to be repetitive, macabre or seeking of sympathy. I intend these sentences to be matter of fact statements: I lost my father (and my job) in a two week span; partially my world is spinning around, partially I do not know what either of these actions means. {About losing my job I can tell you specific processes of emotions I passed through*, and because these emotions are so present and easily attributed to job loss, in a lot of ways I have yet to begin grieving for my father. I have had one bed time meltdown where I bounced between grief and anger--The unfairness of it all! (I chose purple because it was the funniest color to have thrown a fit in.?.) over losing my father and being fired, which really just disintegrated into fear and self-loathing in Roland, Iowa. I mean: How could he not be here when I got fired? I miss him (reasonable statements of grief), I am not a good father, I am a failed writer, failed husband, unemployable, an idiot, over-done-caput (which are just well-rounded self conceptions to keep around for a rainy day in your soul). Other than that one fit, which was as much about getting fired as anything, I have merely had this thought, "I should tell dad, ____. Oh, I can't." Which is not exactly a rendering of grief.} So here is that question I promised you, when does acknowledging a situation become dwelling on an intractable fact? (maybe after a 200 word digression?)] And besides: Being recently unemployed and having recently lost my father I have had my whole world spun and turned into an unexpected opportunity (Also an unexpected fear, but I have enough resources in my wife and children, my house and yard, my friends and relations, that the fear is mostly fleeting and for bedtime). Between reading parts of 7Habits, Know the Answer, and What Color is Your Parachute?, my opportunity appears to be crying out for a structured process of self evaluation and goal setting.

I have a FranklinCovey schedule book from a previous employer, in it you get a bookmark with a slide out piece of paper called a Weekly Compass. The Compass is where you answer the question, "What is the most important thing I can do in this role this week?" The compass is meant to help you focus your attentions and efforts on the activities which are most important to attaining the goals you have set for yourself. The Franklin Covey triangle is, identify Core Values, Set Goals, Plan Weekly, Plan Daily.

The Weekly Compass helps you to plan weekly, not so much to complete your weeks tasks (you are encouraged to plan there as well) but to monitor your movement towards your goals. Being newly unemployed and fully filled with last week's resiliency (see * below), here is the Compass I filled out for last week. [I have yet to fill out this week's Compass (which shows you how week 2 of unemployment ended and (this work week) began in a clear phase of feeling lost.

To start this running feature, here is last weeks Weekly Compass:

Date: 3-15-3/20 (that is actually and exactly how I wrote the date on my Compass)

Roles and Big Rocks

Role: Sharpen the Saw (this is a 4 question section at the top of every Compass, basically, "what do I have to do to be at my peak this week?")
Physical: FXB Strong and Hard
Social/Emotional: Let Go.
Mental: Identify problem(s)
Spiritual: Ease of flow 4 negative thoughts

Now there are 7 sections where you identify your Role and your Big Rocks
Role: Father
Big Rocks: To engage. To explore the world with. To assist (as opposed to, to do).

Role: Husband
Big Rocks: To remove strain, lessen burden, express openly.

Role: Writer
Big Rocks: Getting it right, doing it wrong.

Role: Job Hunter
Big Rocks: ID wants, needs, and opportunities.

Role: Person
Big Rocks: Take time outs, pauses, to gather sense of direction and identify courses.

Role: I Can
Big Rocks: The choice to opt in--even into "chaos"--is a choice to assert control.


(*Week 1 of being fired progressed through: agitation, relief, anger and anti-social desires (A.R.A2 coalesced into a 36 hour period I lovingly refer to as "crazytown,"), disbelief, depression, and resiliency. Week 2 was titled "getting focused, feeling lost" and was uncharacterized by drinking during the NCAA's, re-energizing through exercise, and failing to capitalize on last weeks resiliency. Today is the first day of week 3 which I hope will consist of action, applications, and travel, (not to mention essaying into the Digression HOF, and instantaneous blogger fame.)

Logical Disconnections: workforce

I am still trying to figure out the path for this blog. Obviously life intruded on the FXB transformation blog. I did transform, and even missing about 1/3 of the classes I stand up straighter, feel much healthier, and am noticeably thinner. I'll take my 10 week test on Thursday and see what my numbered results are. I'll let you know.
If somehow you missed my dads obit, look here. I have an extended draft of his decline that I might post here if I ever get back to working on it. We are also planning a party for him in the summer, the preperations for which might end up here.
In the meantime I have 2 thoughts for this site: 1) Situations have made me unemployed, this might be a good place to chronicle my time out of the workforces, what some of my choices are, and what I encounter on the path to prosperity. And 2) Even before I found new-found-time, I wanted to read more, and more better. one way to do that is to try and review the books here. I got one book in my pocket for to talk about later in the week.

In my first installment of somebody give me a job I'll love I email my sister Elizabeth about my experience applying for unemployment benefits:

So I signed up for unemployment benefits (This is interesting...for employers it is "unemployment insurance" for workers it is "unemployment benefits" ... maybe I am being touchy, however...) and was told I had no social security payments on record, so wasn't eligible for UB's. I was like, "I got my w-2 right here, I paid SS."
They thell me to come into the Ames office, ("Don't show up at 4:00 this is going to take a while" was his response to my asking when they close) with my W-2's. The guy who helped me (after about a 10 min wait) was was in his late 50's, not unfriendly but not welcoming either. It is not like I was opening a bank account or conducting business. But wasn't I? Anyway after I explained my situation he told me, "Oh, you worked for a non-profit. Then you aren't eligible for unemployment."
Aside from being, I think, incorrect, this is non-sense. Why is one "job" insured and not another? and I was like, I paid SS. They gave me a W-2. Also, nowhere on the website does it say anything like this. Why are they wasting my valuable time?
He's like, "Well, if they gave you a W-2, then we can appeal this."
So he spend about 10 min filling out a one page pdf, which he is apparently going to MAIL down to desmoines.
On the website it says you are eligible if your employer pays insurance. It doesn't say who doesn't have to pay (like non-profits and churches and charities...etc) it does give you a legal type PDF that mentions depending on size (a very small size) that a non-profit can pay insurance OR opt to pay whatever benefits are necessary. This, I guess, is the option my N-P is taking. BUT how come at least 3 unemployment workers didn't know this? How come my claim was delayed for at least 2 weeks?
I'm not angry or even frustrated, I'm just asking.

Gotta FXB, brother. Peace.

Otherwise my visit to the site was as you would expect. kind of dismal, polite, but not loaded with respect. you are there for a reason after all.

I'm supposed to be working on my thesis. so I'm gonna head on out!

Logical Disconnections: Crazytown

The world has a funny way of underlining exactly where it thinks you land. Often the second blow is ancillary (and worse) than the first. Which makes shit funny.
3 hours after I get fired from a job I cared for (the first blow... but one that was more visible than a fat guys hay maker_er my hay maker) for as far as I can tell, getting sick, having an opinion, bad grammar, and having a father die I find this email in my box

Doris "Granny D" Haddock died peacefully today in her Dublin, New Hampshire family home at 7:18 p.m. Tuesday, March 9, 2010. She was 100 years old. Born in 1910 in Laconia, New Hampshire, she attended Emerson College and lived through two world wars and the Great Depression. She was an activist for her community and for her country, remaining active until the return of chronic respiratory problems four days ago.

She walked across the United States at the age of 90 in the year 2000, in a successful effort to promote the passage of the McCain-Feingold Campaign Finance Reform Act. In 2004, Granny D decided to challenge incumbent Senator Judd Gregg for his US Senate seat. She hoped to demonstrate that ordinary people can run for office and win with the support of small donations from individuals. Despite a shortened, grassroots campaign without the benefit of any advertising dollars, Granny D garnered an impressive 34% of the vote. During the past year five years, Granny D has traveled the country speaking about campaign finance reform and working on behalf of legislation for publicly-funded elections in New Hampshire.

In the 1960s, she and her husband, James Haddock, Sr., were instrumental in halting planned nuclear tests that would have destroyed a native fishing village and region in Alaska.

She raised two children, including the late Elizabeth Lawrenz of Washington D.C., and a son, Jim Haddock, who survives her and, with his wife, Libby, was at her side during many of her great adventures, including the final one today. She is also survived by eight grandchildren and 16 great grandchildren.

A public memorial service will be held this summer.

(So maybe I'll have to parties to goto this summer.)
Granny D. was a great, powerful, funny, force. Her words and wisdom will be greatly missed.